Mom-s Night Inn – January 2008

The Illinois Mom’s Night Inn
By Julie Vassilatos

We’re new at this in my family. Our youngest daughter was diagnosed with hearing loss a year ago, when she was 3 ½. As parents, the learning curve seems so steep, the ascent so slow. Accessing the right information is difficult when you don’t know what you don’t know; finding other families in our area going through the same thing proved impossible.

How thankful we are to have found Illinois Hands and Voices! My introduction to them was through the third annual Mom’s Night Inn, held at the Naperville, IL Holiday Inn on January 12^th and 13^th. The event lived up to its promises, providing fun and relaxation, as well as tons of information, encouragement, and support for about 30 moms from all over northern Illinois.

We were welcomed by witty Karen Putz, Illinois chapter president of Hands and Voices, who gave us an overview of the weekend’s events, the opportunity to introduce one another, and bracing encouragement that parents working together could become the best possible advocacy coalition for their children.

Leeanne Seaver, executive director of Hands and Voices nationwide, formally opened the event with her presentation, “Beginning with the End in Mind.” Weaving her own family’s story into her remarks, Leeanne highlighted the importance of family love and support, and how to listen to and learn from one’s own child what the best form of language and communication will be for him or her. Leeanne encouraged us not to accept professionals’ low expectations for our children, emphasizing that the key to outstanding literacy is language learning and support, whatever the language. She brought to us the wisdom of many parents, giving their answers to the question, what do you wish you had known at the beginning of your journey? She exemplified the Hands and Voices credo that “what works for your child is what makes the choice right.”

Throughout her presentation, ASL interpreters signed her remarks, and while I appreciated this as an inclusive gesture I could not tell who might actually need this. Dinner time made it clear. Over pizza we had a chance to get to know one another, and I sat down at a table with three deaf signers. Joining us at the table was an interpreter, so that I could participate in a completely signed conversation about our children and what options we had chosen for them. We talked about where we lived, our schools and neighborhoods, each other’s families. It was a boisterous conversation full of laughs between three signers and three speakers, which to regulars, I’m sure, is just another day with Hands and Voices, but to me was a revelation.

An after-dinner icebreaker game illustrated this as the entire group unwound a big ball of yarn and gradually became a giant interconnected web. We mothers, all of us, were all connected despite our different circumstances, and we all want the best for our children, and we are all one another’s supports.

At last it was time for relaxation. A massage therapist, two manicurists, and two craft tables kept us busy for hours. Again, more conversations, lots of moving from table to table, stringing beads into bracelets, making votive candle holders, and feasting on a late-night chocolate fondue bar. When I thought I might collapse from exhaustion, we then broke into small groups to talk about our children, the beginnings of our journeys with hearing loss, and our dreams for them. “You mean,” quipped one mother with a laugh, “you want us to cry?” Patient listening and extended story sharing led our group to talk past midnight.

A 7:00 a.m. breakfast and 8:30 a.m. presentations brought an end to any further notions of relaxation, but after all, we had work to do, and little time to accomplish much. On the docket first was Dr. Robert Davila, president of Gallaudet University. He narrated his fascinating life story; radiating brilliance, strong values, determination, and joy, again highlighting above all the importance of family love and connection for children with hearing loss. After fielding questions he departed with the audience’s great appreciation.

Four families then took the stage, a parent and a child each. We saw and heard from an exclusive signing young woman about to embark on a teaching career in a hearing public school, a speaking and signing teen at a deaf/hard of hearing magnet high school, an oral grade-schooler with bilateral cochlear implants, and a teenaged oral cuer, as well as their parents. This was wonderful proof of Hands and Voices’ core value that so many different modes of communication offer our children success if we are open to what works best for them.

We parted with hugs and exchanges of email addresses, looking forward to next year’s retreat. The weekend was tremendously enlightening for me, and a whole lot of fun. I encourage everyone who can to participate in the next one!